It’s not easy to express ourselves. It’s especially tough when we worry that speaking our truth is going to result in something bad. Discipline at work. A rift with our spouse. A break with our family. A misunderstanding with a colleague. Societal condemnation is ready to pounce for revealing TOO much, for feeling too strongly, for being too loud.
I work with many people struggling with the art of self expression. And I hear some version of this often:
“I don’t feel good. But I also don’t know how to change the way I’m feeling.”
Change is possible! Let’s talk about the art of self expression and how you can get better at it. Here are two helpful places to begin:
Find the Right Language
In the 2003 film, Love Actually, Colin Firth and Lúcia Moniz play a heartbroken English writer and a shy Portuguese housekeeper. They can’t understand what the other is saying, but what does that matter when it’s true love?
Using the right language to communicate doesn’t necessarily mean “English” or “Portuguese.” It’s about the stuff that transcends dialect and creates connection. Finding your “right language” will happen when you know exactly who you are and what you need to communicate. It cannot be faked.
In fact, you begin expressing yourself way before you ever open your mouth. Your clothing, your posture, your expression, your habits and routines all offer clues to the observer. So, after reading all of that, are you speaking the right language?
Eliminate Problematic Learned Behaviors
We are products of our environment. We accumulate learned behaviors as we grow; from our parents, siblings, friends, teachers, mentors, and colleagues. Haven’t you ever heard a friend cry out in horror, “Oh my god, I sound just like my mother!”
If someone taught you how to act a certain way, it could be causing you some trouble down the line. There is an “unlearning” that needs to happen there. An expert can hand you a set of new behaviors better suited to your life and your needs.
How Do I Express Myself?
It’s important to remind you that you are special and unique. The way that you express yourself stands apart just like your fingerprint. We are all a different mix of thoughts, behaviors, experiences, and patterns. This is something I’m reminded of over and over again in working with hundreds of personal development and professional coaching clients.
There is no cookie-cutter fix because YOU are not a cookie-cutter person.
Ten people can be dealing with the same problem, but the circumstances are always different.
My job is to help with the art of self expression. And no, I will not solve whatever is bugging you in our first session. Our first conversation is just a personal chat; a get-to-know-you (and like you) opportunity. We find a starting point, not a solution. I invite you to schedule the first conversation with me to get to know each other and talk it out for a bit. I can help with the clarity conundrum you’ve got going on. Click here to send me a note, and I’ll respond immediately.
